To See Thee More Clearly...

I recently received an eye exam in order to get an updated prescription.  My glasses have been broken for some time and  I needed desperately to get a new pair.  Unfortunately my prescription was a tad  outdated so I had to go through the process of sitting in that dreaded chair.
The eye exam is a funny thing because if you wanted, you could be totally dishonest.  I mean, you are in the room in more than ample time to memorize that number/letter chart they make you read before the doctor ever arrives.  But being an adult I escaped the temptation to do so, because I knew I needed to see better.  So I went though this process of them puffing air in my eye (i still think there has to be a better way to do whatever they are doing with that test), watching the hot air balloon, and putting those big goofy glasses on to look at the wall in front of me.  Long story short, I once was blind, but now I see.
I have always been one to pursue spiritual growth.  I want my sight to improve.  I want see things more clearly, starting with the scriptures.  In order to do this I have to put myself through some self-examination.  Lets face it, our prescription (they way we are used to seeing things) gets outdated.  And although we could get by with it, we are really not seeing things absolutely clear.  And why would we want anything else?
Remember that stage in the eye exam when your doctor asks, "Which is better...1..or 2?  Yeah, it's that big goofy glasses part.  This is confusing because I never know what I am supposed to be seeing.  I am always thinking, "I hope that's the right answer."  But all he is doing is changing lenses.  Doing this, he/she attempts to discover your prescription to get you the right pair of lenses.  Without proper lenses, the way we see is tainted.  And without the proper spiritual lens, our spiritual sight is as well.
What lens do you read God's Word from?  I care not to expose all the lenses there are because that would be exhausting.  But if we approach it wrongly, we come out with a wrong conclusion.  There are all sorts of lenses...cultural, traditional, denominational, lenses of prejudice, and etc.  There are attitudes we carry that can turn into lenses.  All of which, if we are not careful taint the way we read the scriptures, and at worst, taint the way we see God (which always leads to tainting the way we communicate Him with those in need).  How dangerous is that?
So I am challenged in examining myself even before I read.  Before I dive into my learning I try to always clear my head, subject myself to some personal testing of sorts.  I want to understand God the way He intended for humanity, which I know will lead to me loving Him like He intended.
So what lenses are you searching and looking through?  May they be the most accurate prescription for the clearest result.  

Believing God

The title of this post bears two words that have been on my mind for some time, and I having quite the time rationalizing them, and then, perhaps that's the problem.
I want to think with all my heart that I live a rational faith.  There are people who need explanation out there and I have a heart for such people.  I think our faith can be intellectual and reachable.   I do not want to think ever that it is a "check your brain at the door" faith.  But then, now that I am wanting to believe God with all of my life, I am afraid irrational may just have to be a part of it.
But I would like to know where the two marry and why it is God made me a rational being.  Was it that I am just designed for certain placement in His plan? Am I to be only the "too deep guy" that you only refer people to that you believe are over-thinking it all?  Is there any such thing as over-thinking? And can a thinker "believe God" for that which he himself cannot explain?  At what point in the deep thinker's life does God really become God of wonders. No pun intended, but I wonder?
I am at a point in my life where I want to see something only God can do.  More than that, I want to be a part of it.  And even more, I want to lead people into it as well.  I want to be able to sit back and not explain something for a change.  There are parts of me that want to be a fool, a dumbfounded and baffled person at the sight of something supernatural.  I don't know if this is blasphemous to say, but I want to try Him on some things, not provoke, but just step out on what I feel in my heart (a heart I believe is guided by Him) and see how He takes care of me, what He can do through a willing vessel of faith, and watch Him get all the credit because I couldn't possibly have accomplished what comes to pass. Can I believe God for something like that? We'll see.

Turn It Down A Notch!!

Proverbs 16:21

The wise of heart is called discerning, and sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.

My daughter loves to play her karaoke machine...loudly!  If it were anytime else other than when I am trying to watch something or talk to someone, maybe that would be better.  But I am always asking her to turn it down a little.
I am asking myself the same thing today.  I preached Sunday and when I came away from it I was sorely disappointed. Don't get me wrong, it was worthwhile subject matter and I got many compliments on the presentation of information.  I am not beating myself up or fishing for compliment.  I am simply a little disheartened because I yelled so much.
Of course I could say that's what I have been raised under or that's what Pentecostals expect, but I am trying to avoid all trains to Excuse-Ville.  One can use similar excuses to scream at their children (that's me too), but it doesn't do much to justify their behavior nor does it really produce much in the child either.  I don't know why I do it, but I am tired of this behavior.
I have to give myself some lead way to make room for passion.  The more passionate about a subject a person is, the more adamant they become in body language and speech.  I make no apologies for passion, but it seems as if lately I am just being loud. It's time to turn it down a little.
If you find yourself in the same situation, whether you are a public speaker or in your private chambers with family, here is what the Word of God is teaching me today:


1) Sweetness of speech INCREASES persuasiveness.
What are you trying to get accomplished?  And why do you feel you have to yell?  I remember once before God dealt with me about this and my voice became so much sweeter with my children.  I could not believe the different results I got.  There was a lack of disagreement, a lack of meltdowns when we did disagree, and an all-around peace in the home.  Maybe the Word is true: A soft answer does indeed turn away wrath.  When we soften our tone, we accomplish more, plain and simple.

2)  Sweetness of speech begins in the THOUGHT process.
Proverbs 6:20 says, "whoever gives thought to the matter will discover good" and it followed soon by verse 22 that says, "Good sense is a fountain of life to him who has it."  I believe these two statements to be directly connected to verse 21 in between.  Our speech is always more eloquent when we have thought about what we are saying.  Sometimes yelling is just a sign of our own insecurity on the subject we are yelling about, or even insecurity toward the people we are yelling at.  Think about that for a moment.  Rants of any kind are usually filled with thoughtless opinions based on high emotions.  Rants can be helpful but we must make sure they entail education on the subject.  My buddy once had a bumper sticker on his CD case that said, "Don't hold strong opinions about things you don't understand"...I couldn't agree more.  To simplify all of this point, think before you speak.

3) Sweetness of speech gives LIFE.
Following verse 21 we see verse 25 of Proverbs 16.  It is following this discourse on speech and it reads, 'There is a way that seems right unto man, but its end is the way of death".  It would be one thing if only good speech helped the situation, but it's so much more in fact.  We also need to guard our speech because it seems that if bad speech could bring death.  I have heard quoted many times Proverbs 18:21, "the power of life and death are in the tongue".  Rings true.  There always justification for man to "speak his mind" in this great culture.  The men who created the idea of Free Speech perhaps turn over in the grave constantly for sake of the thoughtless spewing of the people they gave the right to.  I wish we all could just watch our tones with each other, and speak respectfully and wise.

I for one am challenged to turn it down a notch.  This idea shall become a part of my daily faith.  I certainly need Him to control the volume.

Living and Learning

I have spent the majority of my morning reading.  For some time I went on a reading drought.  I had made quite a habit for some time to read book after book but simply had to take a break, a break that lasted a little longer than anticipated.  Nevertheless, i am back in the saddle.
On top of reading books I have found myself back to THE GOOD BOOK.  I have started diving into it with the same gusto I did in my youth when challenged by my Youth pastor.  I love it...and I hate it.  I find myself with great joy and with great fear all at the same time.  Nothing cuts and simultaneously comforts like the Word of God.
While reading, being the only one in the office this morning, I am fielding phone calls.  A lady in the church is recently overcome with medical problems and numerous members of the church are looking for updates.  And as well, the typical phone calls arrive.  The first of which this morning was a recording of some lady saying we could be eligible for grants, others just random people who choose not to identify themselves asking for other staff members who are currently absent.  If I had to describe my morning, it has been a hodge-podge of activity and assignment.   But, isn't everyday.
My wife often asks me upon my coming home daily what I did that day.  Being a man, I usually say nothing.  Not unless I have a "to do" list am I very good at retracing my steps.  There's always a few big things that happens, or at least one memorable thing.  But most days are "routine" in a church office, not in the sense that you see the same things twice, but in the sense that it is work like anything else.  You have unexpected assignments and tasks that creep up on you, planning ahead, revisiting your procrastinated chores, and etc.
I think today as I read, and am, for lack of better terms, interrupted with other things as I do, that life is simply a cycle of living and learning.
I have always thought that to mean we learn from our living.  But I re-think that today.  I think learning can happen by chance as we have all had to learn lessons "the hard way".  But I really am starting to believe that the best learning will always be intentional, that maybe learning does not have to be the result of living, but rather living is enhanced by learning.  I find that my intentional learning, the making myself into a student daily, better prepares me for the things life throws at me.  I may have expected such phone calls this morning out of experience, but I can never predict them.  None of us can predict life.  But you can choose to learn.  If life wants to teach you something, learn it that way.  But choose to learn.  Learn by other's life that have lived before you.  Seek conversation and dialogue.  Read (especially God's Word).  Let your life be enriched because you were prepared for it.  And if someone asked you how you are today, simply say, "Learning and Living".

Total Recall

There are just times in life, and I am finding those times more often, that we must have the discipline to recall the pleasantness of our experience with God.  I mean, look around! What do you see?  Right now, America is about to default on it's debts (whatever that means), the Cherokee Nation in Oklahoma is in turmoil, which means the economy is in deeper trouble, and there are more and more stories of unthinkable acts of men coupled with tragedies that defy all imagination.  In the middle of this, what is man to think?  What is Christian man to think?

This morning I was encouraged by the Word of God in Lamentations 3:21-33.  Allow me to share:

But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore I will hope in him.
The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.
It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.
It is good for a man he bear the yoke in his youth.
Let him sit alone in his silence when it is laid on him;
let him put his mouth in the dust - there yet may be hope;
let him give his cheek to the one who strikes,
and let him be filled with insults.
For the Lord will not cast off forever, but, though he cause grief,
he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love;
for he does not willingly afflict or grieve the children of men.

God bless you in your journey today!

Are You Not Entertained

I love the movie Gladiator.  It's just one of those movies I can watch again and again.  Of course, there is something about that period of Rome that intrigues me, maybe it's because it's contemporary with Biblical times, yet I never seem to think about the apostles living or the spread of Christianity (being that the film is set about 120 years after Christ).  The movie is filled with epic moments, and one of those brought to thought today.  it is after one the gladiator games set up by the Emperor Commodus, where the character of Maximus lets his disdain be known by shouting to the crowd after victory, "Are you not entertained!?"

From a ministry standpoint, I am sure that pastors today feel like screaming the same thing.  To be fair before I am accused of a horrid generalization, there are those people among us, in our churches, that are after Christ with a whole heart.  They are diligent in their pursuit, faithful to the Christ community and in their Christian service, and genuinely in pursuit of their place in God's great plan.  But it seems that there is a disturbing trend among church culture.  Something of a cancer has began to penetrate the fibers of Christian community. And however ironic it may seem to you for me to write this, with the movie of reference and all, I still wish to warn and bring to discussion the cancer of entertainment.
It's not entertainment in and of itself that is the problem, albeit it could be the root.  At least our current cultures overexposure to it and over-stimulation altogether.  But it seems that one's interest in the knowledge of God today is deeply paired with entertainment.  Our pastors are no longer expected to be men of study, teachers, or equippers.  It's not about getting the information of the Word of God out so that man and woman may deal with and apply it to the heart.  It's about how engaging we can make it.  Christ Himself, His desire for our obedience and faith are no longer captivating, lest there be a really awesome video or song to stimulate the hearer, bringing not an eternal heartfelt response but rather an instantaneous high.  This in turn is not transforming the soul, but only conforming to the comfort of the "believer".  It does not turn the believer into the world as a change agent, but rather allows the world to continue to influence the believer.  You now have the stark opposite of what Christ commanded in the Great Commission, the world penetrating the Church.

Well then, Mr.Smarty Pants, how are we supposed to reach the culture if we don't "speak their language".  I understand people speak in text now, and that they would rather not be face to face. I know technology and media continue to reign supreme.  But why are we letting that dictate how we respond to people?  Here are a couple of quick questions to consider:

1) Where in this is the creative ability of God's people?
If anything, the church should be on the cutting edge of creativity, not overcome with mimicry.  This imitation is perhaps the result of spending our time indulging in the world vs. being before our God.  Shouldn't we seek to be the initiators of powerful communication?


2) Whatever happened to a strong dependence on the Holy Spirit to change lives?
Yeah, I know how "old fashioned" that sounds.  It doesn't fly with us "driven" people.  Because, we are suppose to be "out there" engaging the culture.  Silence and solitude, putting our own hearts in a right place is simply wasting time.  Notice in this trendy age of church culture driven by man's often un-biblical approach has seemed to cause a growing disgust with the church, especially among it's own.  Wow, look what we have done?  Isn't it awesome?

3) Have we forgotten the simpler language of love?
The greatest acts of Christ-driven love the world has ever seen were technology free. They were not considered "trendy" or even defined then as "relevant".  Even today, the stories that really move the heart, in this day of technology, are stories that aren't grand and carry no "power punch".  They are simple acts of love, and that's all the punch they seem to need.

How do we change?  We return to God for starters.  Stop being "driven" and return to our calling.  Our calling was not to simply inspire or "move" people.  For the Pastor, it is to equip for ministry, and that with a heart filled by God.  For the layperson, it is to be consumed by Christ and 100% engaged in a community of saints, spreading the Gospel message.  And folks, know none of this has to be "entertaining".  Because the acts of love, your devotion to Christ and Him working in and through your life will always be more powerful than the Gladiator himself.

Titus, Timothy, and Brian K. Pounds

The title of this blog has nothing to do with the fact that I think I compare with these two men, nonetheless, I do identify with them.  I feel that their "calling" is similar to mine.
It is a Pastor's calling for sure, a calling to train others and keep in line myself.  That sounds simple even as I write it, but it never is.  Keeping ones self above reproach is a daunting task.  I understand the element of God's grace and am truly thankful for that, but the fact that I am forgiven doesn't release me from the responsibility of guarding my life, and that with great dependence on the Holy Spirit.
As I read the book of Titus this morning, I see no fireworks.  There is a part of me that is trained to look for such "power" when I read the Word, or in "experience" with God and in ministry.  What I do see is living.  I see reminders of how to live.  I see common instruction for a "common faith" (Titus 1:4).  I read what is looked at today as common sense, but even titled as such, rarely obeyed by the masses.  I see reminders not to let evil get the best of us.  If I were to completely honest, I see what most people would define as things people should just be doing in the natural, things they should not have to be reminded to do.  But they do need told, we all do...again, again, again...and again.
And this is where I come in. It is what Titus and Timothy were supposed to do.  They, I, as pastors, serve as reminders to the people.  We are the repeated voice pleading with them to pursue Godly living.  We are to be the example of such living.  And in this redundant task, there was no promise of reward other than that of Heaven and being received at the return of Christ (Titus 1:13).  There was no, "if you do these things, the people will love and celebrate you", no "just wait to see how people respond, it's going to be EPIC".  It was, as much of a command for Titus to remind the people what they should be doing, a reminder to Titus from Paul what he should be doing.  Because, let's face it, even the Titus, Timothy, and the Brian K. Pounds forget their calling, and are guilty of being highly distracted by things they ought not to be.
We all want grand experience, something to show for our labor. One day we will have that. Until then, keep plugging away at your calling.  Pastor people.  Remind them of the things they should be pursuing, and when they forget, remind them again.  Do not grow weary in doing good (no matter how redundant it may seem).  Your calling is a privilege and granted by God. He, above all, is pleased with your diligence, and more so, your dependence on Him to see your calling to completion.

The Space Between

There's nothing happening right now, and I mean nothing, but I am not sure there is supposed to be.  I sit alone in my office with plenty of things to do most of the time.  But I am consistently overwhelmed with the feeling that doing them will not amount to anything.  Funny, I never treated another job in the world like this.

When I did bill collections, I was never overcome with a strong feeling of significance regarding my work.  I would simply do what they asked (of course that with the occasional attitude of laziness).  I showed up, worked a file, and at the end of the day...went home.  Never do I remember reflecting on the day and worrying myself over whether I "made a difference".  

Now what I can't seem to figure out is if I wasn't taking that seriously enough or taking vocational ministry (which is what I do now) too seriously. Honestly, I'm probably just taking myself too seriously.  But why only in vocational ministry do I do that?  

I did a lot of ministry in bill collections.  Everybody knew WHAT I was or better yet WHO I was.  They knew my moral limits and Christian stance. I was the one the office looked to when 9/11 happened for a response.  The management seemed to figure me as integrous, and why not, I usually did what was asked and more.  I was a very middle of the road performer though. The only time I was first place in revenue was when the whole office had a horrible month.  Still yet, other than one time when I was grilled on a poor performance, I never took my work home with me. And I do constantly now, that is, take my work home with me.  I always worry about doing enough or whether or not what I did mattered.  My mind stays consumed with thoughts of success and failure, and while I am consumed with that, I feel guilty because I am probably missing some opportunities that I am currently in, like, I don't know, giving quality attention to my children for instance.  Why is their such a huge unseen pressure to constantly do something huge that will bring notoriety?

Truth is, I have no resolve for this blog.  I don't know what the answer to it all is, or if it's even a problem. But I know that I have this empty feeling, this feeling that I am of no earthly good at times.  It is a mild despair that I am not making enough happen, even though I disagree one hundred percent with the notion that I should be making anything "move". I am in the space between significance and sadness...and I don't even know why.

I search for something to blame, but their is nothing or no one.  Yet I have this unwavering faith that God hasn't changed in the midst of all of this.  And until I figure this out, I suppose that is the only substance I need.  

Stalemate: An Allegory

I'm not much of a chess player, but I can play (or at least I know the ins and outs).  I know how the pieces move , how to "castle" in order for a better defense, know some random strategies I suppose, and certainly know the object of the game.  That is enough to keep me involved with most level one chess players.
Few times in my chess experiences have I ever reached a stalemate.  In a more relevant way, a stalemate is best described by using the term "tie".  It is where one player is not necessarily in check (or getting ready to lose) but yet has no legal moves to get out the situation.  This is rare.
Lately, I have sort of been feeling this in my life.  I have used this term in talking to my wife and some of my closer friends (yet I am now putting it out here for the world to see).  Have you ever reached that point in life?  You are not defeated, but yet you feel trapped, like you need to "make a move", but just can't.  If I were a brilliant man, I think I could somehow figure out what got me here.  I want to blame something, or somebody.  That's just easier.  But the point is not necessarily figuring out why you are here, or even how to get out of it.  There is really only one thing you can do when you reach a stalemate, call it for what it is and start another game.
Chances are, it's just simply time to "re-invent".  I use quotations because that't one of those modern terms that is overused in ministry, and while I like to avoid such things, I simply can't think of a better term.  When we reach these stalemates in life, I believe that it is simply God calling us to start afresh.  But here is the catch, when you start again, you cannot use the same strategy, or you will wind up in the same place.  The strategy of the enemy  will be the same, to defeat you.  But you need to take a different approach to life.
This can mean a lot of things to a lot of people.  It may mean addition or elimination of things or people.  It may mean a move of venue.  Truth that cannot be denied is that you are feeling what you are feeling for a reason.  And it will only be by prayerful thinking that you will be led into what can change is necessary.  But whatever it is, remember that a new game is the only response.
In closing understand two very powerful things:

1) A new game requires a different strategy.
Like mentioned above.  The same approach will get you to the same place.  There are some things you have to take into the mew game.  The pieces are the same, the rules are the same, the object is the same, yet, your overall strategy of combinations and your ability to see a different picture has to improve.  You have to be able to remember the former game and learn from those mistakes.  You have to be fully engaged in the new game, completely sober to every move you make and to the moves of your opponent.  A new game has elements of the old one, but it is nonetheless a new game.

2) A new strategy from you requires a new strategy from your opponent.
Like any new game, expect a different approach from your opponent.  His goal is the same, defeat.  But know that he is no more interested in a draw than you are.  Both should crave victory at every turn.  Victory is achieved not in one move, but in many.  You start winning the game with your mindset, and then by individual moves.  Each move builds or sets up the next to form a plan of victory.  Adjustments may have to be made a long the way, nevertheless keep your eye on the prize. But never forget that new games bring new challenges. Be ready for everything the new game entails.

One more thing that it would be senseless not to say.  Like this life we live, we have to approach it with the attitude of victory.  Fear is a crippler in any "game".  If you approach it with an attitude of inferiority, you will lose every time.  The approach must always be "victory is mine".  Carry that into every new start!

Give Me Revelation

Galatians 1:15-16a

But when who had set me apart before I was born, and who called me by His grace was pleased to reveal His son to me, in order that I might preach Him among the Gentiles...

I like to consider myself a fairly sensible guy. That's really a cop-out sometimes to protect myself from taking risks, but nonetheless, it's who I have become.

Shortly after my first tenure ever served as Youth Pastor (to be honest, it was really about a year before it was over) I began to question many things about my "experiences" in the body of Christ. We, like many people in the late 1990s were swept into "revival" mode. The Pensacola revivals were in full swing and churches across the country were longing to fall in line. I'm not going to get into all the ins and outs, but there were some weird things happening.

But without that ever taking place, I probably would have reached the same crisis of belief. I grew up seeing weird things, and with what I would easily label strange occurences in the body of Christ, and I would be lying if I didn't say that I thought such weren't driven by who I thought to be weird people. And it was these weird people that I, the sensible human being, distanced myself from. There just seemed to be a major conflict in my heart that everyone had these "words" from God when the Word of God as so often ignored. Even the absence of preaching in any given service was one of the earmarks of a "Spirit-Filled" environment. Yeah, that still rubs me wrong, and always will.

But now, as I often do, and as misguided as I think they often were, I failed to see what God wanted to teach me by them. These people always seem to have a sense of prayerful revelation. As cooky as they were to me at times, none that I remember ever claimed to have extra-biblical revelation (which will always be a spiritual no-no), but rather a strong sense of listening to God through prayer.

I am a Word man. Always will be. But the pitfall in that is to forget that even the WORD still needs a sense of prayerful REVELATION to the reader. The truth, embodied in Jesus Christ still has to be REVEALED to us everyday. Using the Word of God as our guide, "he who set us apart before we were born, and has called us by his grace, [is still] pleased to reveal his son to us" today.

So let me, let us, read with REVELATION. Not just what does the scripture say, buy what is God saying to me through the scriptures. This is not a bad thing at all, to pray when we read His revealed Word that He as the divine author works it into our lives. God bless and may we all find Revelation.

10% Giving = 10% Living

Just yesterday I was exposed to a teaching by a teacher named G. Craig Lewis concerning the tithe. I only listened to the first two minutes of it before I figured I knew where he was going, and my thoughts began to run rampant concerning the notion of giving.

I remember some time ago, my former pastor had come back to preach a service in the church I grew up in. He made a comment that he did not believe tithing to be a heaven and hell issue. Boy did that rock our traditional wooden boat!

Ever since I can remember, the tithe, made famous by Malachi 3, has been preached at least once every six months in the churches I have associated with. As a member of my denomination, I still send 60% of my tithe to my district as part of my "fees" to stay ordained. And the teaching of the tithe summed up is this (let's all sing along):

Before you do anything, cut God his portion; it's up to you whether gross or net

And if you do you will be blessed; a blessing so big you will never forget.

But if you don't take it out of your purse; God's holy wrath will bring a curse.

Releasing the tithe makes you a part; and try to remember it's from the heart.

So you get the idea. I want to make this short and sweet. I think that's wrong, and I think it puts people in bondage. So how do we go beyond giving God our 10%? Aren't we free to do and think better than that? Yes we are.

The only people I have had conversations with about this frustration of the tithing law are from the standpoint of trying to get out of giving at all. Of course, in all fairness, i believe that to be part of what such bogus teaching produces...a dissatisfied obligated giver that never gives from his heart, but rather out of fear of the curse. Nevertheless, freedom FROM giving is not what we are looking for here. The heart of Christ is freedom TO give.

Make no mistake, if the ten percent burdens you, it's a heart problem. The scripture lines out the the purpose of the law in Galatians 3. To paraphrase, the law was a guardian to us that kept us in check. There was a curse for those who did not tithe correctly under the law of Moses, but it can't be translated as such for those of us who are under grace. But the understanding of the law of the tithe tells me this; if I cannot release a meager 10%, how can I ever be a ridiculous giver? How can, as part of the New Covenant body of Christ, my money become community money for the furthering of the Kingdom? So the law has it's role. It can show us the condition of our heart. And what does that heart need to realize about giving?

It needs to realize that New Testament giving is meant to be a generosity from the heart. It's a widow's mite mentality, meaning not about an amount but about motive. Remember, freedom in Christ is freedom to do EVERYTHING how we are created to do it. We are now, under that idea, free to give, and that out of a glad, generous, Christ-compelled heart. In order to be that though, we have to break the shackles of the law. We have to get outside of this fear-driven bondage of cursing, and as much, get out the mentality of generous return as God's "promise" or "obligation" back to us. Not tithing under the law will not wreck my life (remember I am free from the law), but neither does tithing under the law guarantee a return on my investment in the way we understand it. It all has to be heart. A content heart. A kind heart, A heart after God.

Stop giving God your 10%, and start understanding your free to give more. Prayerfully consider your heart when it comes to money. I know mine is under Holy Spirit revision. But above all, find the freedom in Christ in all areas of your life. We may lose self along the way, but in losing self, we are in gain of Christ. Let us indeed, in the words of the apostle Paul, "count all things rubbish in comparison to knowing Christ our Lord." God bless us in our pursuit!

Deliverance

Reading Psalm 6 and the aftermath I experienced this morning in devotional reading has me think on this topic of deliverance. This is a term that I have wanted to forget for sometime now, mainly because of the connotation in which it took growing up in the Pentecostal church. It seemed all that one had to do to recive this deliverance is go to an altar, act like an idiot and have other people push you around a little. Now I have to insert here that I realize this I speak of many people hold dear. And if what I reference has merit to you, I mean no offense. But I think with the crass way of putting it, those who choose to read this understand the experience.

If in that instance, or after it, you felt better about your circumstances that was noted as deliverance. And then you would go home and fall and wait again until next Sunday, praying once again the Lord to take your burden away.

Whether or not this experience has been yours, I am quite sure we all share the experience of pain and anguish. Life has a way of doing this to us. It brings circumstances, relational problems, and many things that send a wrecking ball to what otherwise we call our "norm". It brings severe discomfort and and die-hard desire to exit the current state. It brings the atheist to say, "oh, God" and the agnostic to suddenly be sure there is something higher at work. We have all been in that place, and maybe some of us right now. So, in an attempt to bring solace, seek advice from this song of deliverance.

1) Be honest before God (6:1-3).

Lord, Im tired, in every part of my soul I am tired. God knows how you feel, there is no sense hiding it. Many times we are in this place of "our wit's end". We have deep despair and hurt. There is no antecdote to be said, no mantra to be repeated to bring relief. Even the Psalmist says, in paraphrase, "Lord will you even overlook my own shortcomings just long enough to be my strength? (v.1)" He must have hurt. God knows you are too. Just tell Him.

2) Make sure your motives are pure (6:4-5)

Why do you want "delivered"? Why is it necessary for you to leave your current state. Sometimes God has us in a place so that we may call to Him. We are not good at discomfort. We do not do suffering well. So much in fact that we have convinced ourselves that God would never allow it. But it is a recurring theme in scripture of the lives of those who belong to Him. Make sure your cry for deliverance isnt a cry caused by lack of endurance. Verse 4 says "deliver me for the sake of your steadfast love". The only right reason for God to "bring us out" is that so we may be examples of His great power.

3) Know that God will work (6:8-10)

There seems to be a great confidence in God's hearing and response even though he doesn't see it in this instance. Take notice of the element of despair in your life for a moment. Now ask yourself, "have I lost confidence in God to answer?" I know I have. I mean if you can't get something done right (and by right I mean when and how YOU want it) then do it yourself. I am wholly guilty of acting on God's behalf and giving up on God completely. This, above all is what can keep us in undude despair. I referenced Godly despair that is necessary, but surely there is a despair we bring to ourself when we take matters in our own hands. Any prayer of deliverance must be coupled with confidence that God hears and will act.

You know, perhaps this last part of the Psalm even holds the key to what true deliverance is. Maybe its not the absence of circumstances that bring despair, but rather the surety and confidence of God in the midst of those circumstances. There is no doubt life brings different things, but God never changes. I know you have heard this all before, but just as I, maybe your ears need deliverance to hear it again.

HELP!

I start with these lyrics from the Beatles:

HELP!HELP! I NEED SOMEBODY,HELP! NOT JUST ANYBODY,HELP! YOU KNOW I NEED SOMEONE, HELP.HELP ME IF YOU CAN, I'M FEELING DOWNAND I DO APPRECIATE YOU BEING AROUND.HELP ME GET MY FEET BACK ON THE GROUND,WON'T YOU PLEASE, PLEASE HELP ME.

I had an interesting conversation with a great friend just the other day that alarmed me. He's a "corporate" fellow and we were talking about the comparisons to the church. Now, I am not much on such comparisons as the church and the corporation are not the same institutions. In the corporate world you can fire people who aren't productive, with little or no concern for their well being. After all, they had their chance. But in the church world, well they are people, and their well being should matter a little more...and grace should abound in all.

But we were discussing systems, more specifically systems that are designed to get people funtioning properly. We spent some time discussing the importance of foundational structure and how important it was to overall "success" before diving into some other arenas of dialogue. The comparisons I think were fair. After all, the church as we know it is an institution, and in any institution there needs order, structure, and purpose.

For the church, the foundation has already been laid. That is Christ. No debate. And it would be foolish for any church to ever think that their "corporate" policies superceded that. But a struggle remains in any culture with that foundation. How do you make it concrete? Jesus doesn't live here in the flesh here anymore and as vital as the Holy Spirit is, we have made that person of the trinity extrremely foggy at best. So what is the answer to making Christ concrete...the church. By the power of the Holy Spirit, the church was established. And the church today needs to find ways to make Christ touchable again.

In our conversation, this conclusion was reached: "As beneficial as the church has been, it just isn't helping me through life." Ouch!! I don't know if that conclusion hurt me more as a Pastor or as a Christian. If I were truthful, i think it hurts me as a sinner most. Because I can see it. And I can count numerous times I needed help, that I did not feel the church equipped to really help me through.

I have to be fair, it is hard to help people who do not avail themselves to help. After all, in my sin or any other's sin and despair, the current system tells us it is our own fault, and more of our fault if we cannot dig ourselves out. After all, we live in the land of opportunity. Good ol' America! If you cannot live high on the hog here, it is certainly because you are lazy or just don't have sense enough to pull yourself up by the boot straps. But I cannot help but raise the question of how one is to avail themselves to a help that is not made attainable to them. Was not, or is not Christ just that, God reaching His hand to those who knew no way? Was not Christ God's answer to making Himself "concrete"? Perhaps my theology is tainted, but I am beginning to want to defend this position more and more. Granted, some people will never respond to the Gospel. Got it. But there is a flipside to that opinion. Some people either don't know or they are victim of faulty presentation. In that case, who's fault is it?

So I am concerned pastorally about how well the church is really helping people sometimes. It saddens me that good people, who are wholly committed to the church in attendance, giving, and even serving that feel the church is not really helping them through life. They get to hear their problems railed against, and in some scenarios brought up in discussions, but their is never any real help offered. The porn addict gets to hear how wrong and dirty he/she is, but never offered a system of help to break the addiction. The struggling marriage gets to hear about God's ideal of living in perfect harmony, but is never offered a human hand or listening ear that hasn't treated the situation like an inconvenience. Some of our current systems have bowed to poor theology, or denied Christian education altogether, leaving our next generation with a foundaiton of only mixed emotions about Christian living. In the current climate, we have become self-proclaimed experts on "Christianity in the market place", but have denied a proper forum of Christian community where people find strength for the battle or healing from its wounds.

So what can be done about this? If I had those answers I wouldn't be so focused on the problem. I simply think it's time to come to the table though. Communication is the first step. All the frustrated that have remained silent so long need to raise their voices of heart-felt concern to our church leaders. Sitting on the pew (or in those new-fangled connecting chairs) in frustration doesn't help anyone. We're either going to once again making Christ known or simply stay in our stagnant state of "Christian" affairs. I am calling for covnersation of how. Maybe because my concern has never been higher, or maybe just becasue I refuse to any longer live life this way.

My Current Status Revealed

I began to muse the other day on the things that make me feel alive. I know the things I sometimes do that make me feel dead inside and produce death in me. But there are several things I do that produce life. I find that the harmful things quench the life-giving things, and I think upon evaluation, you would see the same thing. It is sometimes only after I have a series of difficult time that I can see thos same times arrive when I negelct the life-giving sources. So these are the things that make me feel the Spirit of God alive in me. Things I will try to do as often as humanly possible. Things I will not apologize for and do with confidence. Things I share with others.

I feel the Spirit of God alive in me when....

I write.

I have meaningful dialogue with a Christian brother or brothers.

I listen to music.

I muse on God's Word.

I preach.

I read.

I listen to great men of God.

I spend time with my family.

Watch inspirational true stories and epic films.

Hang out with students.

Give to a charitable or missionary cause.

These things are in no particular order, but I urge you to look at mine as an example. Of course there are other things in a day that we "have" to do. But what day of mine would not be complete or lived to the fullest if I gave attention to a few or all of those things every single day. I bet your list would be no different. Christ came to give us life. Christ lives in us. So shouldn't that manifest itself in such things that come from our heart? He came to give us life internally, as "out of our bellies will flow living water". He isn't going to smack us over the head with it. So what are you waiting for? Live!

I remember the pettiness of my High School years. At Mounds, we had was called "party road", a dirt road running behind the school that people would go to "settle their differences". You know what I mean. It was the dreaded meeting point of two people after the words "see you after school" were spoken, meaning someone was going to take a beating.

Fights in school were always over stupid stuff that didn't matter. Someone called you or your girlfriend something, or some misunderstanding caused an already hot-head to boil over. This is was always followed by these scuffles, in some desperate attempt to prove how tough we were. RIDICULOUS!! And that's also how I feel about church squabbles...

Its completely unrealistic to think that we can live "fight" free. Even Jesus said, "it is impossible that offenses wont come". Being offended to the point of wanting to protect ouerselves is a natural part of human existence. So we fight. The book of James talks of this asking the question, "Where do fights and quarrels come from?" It then answers by saying, "It because we are at war within our own members." We are basically unsettled people, selfish people who have a hard time being at peace with self and God. This magnifies when we get with others, so therefore, we fight.

But as all things natural, there is a supernatural remedy. The ultimate way is to crucify your flesh. But for sake of practicality, there is some awareness that I wish to bring about conflict resolution that I feel is helpful to know. Maybe until we reach that perfect ideal of a total renewed self and peace is achieved, these are some tips to perhaps cut down on the number of fights we have, or at least make sure they don't spin horribly out of control.

1) When attempting to solve conflict, understand that everyone naturally has a defense for their position.

Conflict resolution only happens when people lose their pride and come to see the truth of a situation. That truth is usually that whatever the fight is over is no big deal or often a misunderstanding. But because we are unsettled and selfish people we take things to heart. And when we take it personally, we attempt to justify the reasons why we did, hence the defense. If we do not understand that all parties invovled are prepared to defend moreso than solve, we will never reach a resolution. The fight will only grow based on the fact that everyone thinks they are right, and our personal flags of "we are right" will be staked in the ground.

2) Offensive statements made in conflict are usually a reaction based on the defense, and rarely sincere appraisals of the situation or the people involved.

Any statements made behind your back in a conflict or before that dreaded roundtable of resolution should not be taken to heart. The passion surrounding the conflct itself and the defensive nature of humanity cause us to say stupid things about one another. Simply stepping back from any situation when its fresh usually will help the end result. Keep quiet as much as possible until thoughts are collected, and by all means, bridle your tongue. But if this does not happen, don't put much stock in what is said toawrd you or about you. I bet you they dont' really mean it the way its comes out.

3) Know that everybody wants somebody elses head on a platter.

The intersting thing about conflict, and perhaps this is the defensive nature, is that initially no one thinks they are at fault. We are often so blinded by anger or hurt that we can't see our own role that's complicating the situation. Let's face it, it's easier to play the blame game. And its never easy to self-assess. The neat thing is that in true conflict resolution, nobody's head has to fly. All parties can come away whole. And I dont think its a stretch to say this is probably how God wants it.

Fight were largely stupid then and they are largely now. Im sure there are a few things worth fighting for, but save your energy for when they arrive. Because they will. If knowledge is power, then understanding is steroids. Understanding the nature of conflict, more imoprtantly the nature of the people invovled, will go a long way in finding resolve. Peace be with you!

I Can See Your Under-Aware

Tonight when I was preparing my papers to throw i noticed that the "Scene" section, which is the part of Tulsa World that carries entertainment news, was thicker than the front page section that prints local and world news. I wonder if this is not going to become the trend.

In 1994, and estimated 800,000 Rwandans were killed during the genocide, lasting nearly 100 days. Twenty percent of the countries population died, while the United Nations pulled out all assistance. Americans were glued to the television watching the OJ Simpson trial.

Our search for entertainment is killing our sense of awareness!

I grew up on movies and television. It was a favorite hobby of my family. We didn't spend much time outdoors and most Friday nights were movie nights. I speak as one who is certainly over-entertained. But also as one who is growing sick of it.

It's not enough that all shows and movies are the same now, we still seem to crave more and become more addicted to the idiot-box. Even when we are not watching, we have it on for "noise". Little do we know that the nosie leaks its messages into our sub-concious even then. And it's more than shows, it's commericals, telling us we must have more. All the while, glued to it, we become less aware of the world around us. The needs of our neighbors, literally and figuratively, get lost. And without knowing, we ourselves become less and less equipped to deal with reality, as we are more conditioned to the world of fantasy. Our reality becomes skewed, and our senses become weakened. Sooner than we can realize it, our entertainment works its way into every conversation and we are speaking to each other in movie quotes and commercial lingo. How life-giving is that?

Now the extreme...people who don't watch, who don't spend there God-given time engrossed in entertainment are viewed as "too religious" and outcasts of society. After all, to even mention life without the necessary dose of entertainment is unheard of. One is met with defensiveness of, "what do you want us to do, live in a cave?" As if that's the alternative for one, and secondly, and sadly, we have been made to think that the lack of entertainament makes us too primitive to exist in society. So then, we try and "regulate" it at times in guility response to what we know we should be doing instead. But we all know the necessary dosage, the controlled habit, still has a way of becoming an over-dose, and overdoses are always killers.

So what's the message in all of this? I think perhaps it's time to tune out for a while. I think that looks different for all of us. I don't know what it looks like for you. But at least even a short-term media fast would do us good. Whenever you do this, you will always find reasons "you have to have it". Listen to that thought alone. Anything folks that one "has to have"...by definiton, is an addiction.

But we cannot turn tuning out into piety. The idea of learning to be "Christianly" aware is never about the absence of something, but rather the involvement in Christian mission. The challenge can never be just to tune out. The over indulgence of entertainment has made that easy. We are too good at tuning out already. But the chief drive is for us to become people who are prayerfully aware. Aware to needs. Aware to suffering. Aware of the presence of God and when to celebrate it.

So, simply put, perhaps it is time to tune out in order to tune in. Be a sober people as we are called to be. And let us no longer disgrace the Faith by letting people see us Under-aware!

Deliverance

Reading Psalm 6 and the aftermath I experienced this morning in devotional reading has me think on this topic of deliverance. This is a term that I have wanted to forget for sometime now, mainly because of the connotation in which it took growing up in the Pentecostal church. It seemed all that one had to do to recive this deliverance is go to an altar, act like an idiot and have other people push you around a little. Now I have to insert here that I realize this I speak of many people hold dear. And if what I reference has merit to you, I mean no offense. But I think with the crass way of putting it, those who choose to read this understand the experience.
If in that instance, or after it, you felt better about your circumstances that was noted as deliverance. And then you would go home and fall and wait again until next Sunday, praying once again the Lord to take your burden away.
Whether or not this experience has been yours, I am quite sure we all share the experience of pain and anguish. Life has a way of doing this to us. It brings circumstances, relational problems, and many things that send a wrecking ball to what otherwise we call our "norm". It brings severe discomfort and and die-hard desire to exit the current state. It brings the atheist to say, "oh, God" and the agnostic to suddenly be sure there is something higher at work. We have all been in that place, and maybe some of us right now. So, in an attempt to bring solace, seek advice from this song of deliverance.

1) Be honest before God (6:1-3).
Lord, Im tired, in every part of my soul I am tired. God knows how you feel, there is no sense hiding it. Many times we are in this place of "our wit's end". We have deep despair and hurt. There is no antecdote to be said, no mantra to be repeated to bring relief. Even the Psalmist says, in paraphrase, "Lord will you even overlook my own shortcomings just long enough to be my strength? (v.1)" He must have hurt. God knows you are too. Just tell Him.

2) Make sure your motives are pure (6:4-5)
Why do you want "delivered"? Why is it necessary for you to leave your current state. Sometimes God has us in a place so that we may call to Him. We are not good at discomfort. We do not do suffering well. So much in fact that we have convinced ourselves that God would never allow it. But it is a recurring theme in scripture of the lives of those who belong to Him. Make sure your cry for deliverance isnt a cry caused by lack of endurance. Verse 4 says "deliver me for the sake of your steadfast love". The only right reason for God to "bring us out" is that so we may be examples of His great power.

3) Know that God will work (6:8-10)
There seems to be a great confidence in God's hearing and response even though he doesn't see it in this instance. Take notice of the element of despair in your life for a moment. Now ask yourself, "have I lost confidence in God to answer?" I know I have. I mean if you can't get something done right (and by right I mean when and how YOU want it) then do it yourself. I am wholly guilty of acting on God's behalf and giving up on God completely. This, above all is what can keep us in undude despair. I referenced Godly despair that is necessary, but surely there is a despair we bring to ourself when we take matters in our own hands. Any prayer of deliverance must be coupled with confidence that God hears and will act.

You know, perhaps this last part of the Psalm even holds the key to what true deliverance is. Maybe its not the absence of circumstances that bring despair, but rather the surety and confidence of God in the midst of those circumstances. There is no doubt life brings different things, but God never changes. I know you have heard this all before, but just as I, maybe your ears need deliverance to hear it again.

Gimme Shelter

Psalm 2:12 "...Blessed are all who take REFUGE in Him.

I love the way God speaks to me through His Word. This morning I spent some time musing on this small ending passage of Psalm 2.
I have read this at least 100 times, the phrase about taking refuge in God. There are many references of God being our defense in the scriptures. He is our strong tower, the shield of Faith that quenches the fiery darts of the enemy, our refuge and strength. But of course, as many of us often do, I have read right over it with nothing more than a swift "amen", because that's what I have trained myself to do. But this is such a powerful truth and great promise. That we always have refuge or shelter.
I stand also with a loving rebuke today for the prayers of yesterday. I realized as I read this today just how much this truth of of refuge had escaped my radar of practical application. You see, and I think we can all relate, don't we get our need of refuge confused with rescue? Tis true I have spent most of my crying out to God times in seek of rescue. I want out of something. I want Him to remove the challenges and temptations that life offer in order that I may escape them unscathed. But as much as the idea of refuge is in the Bible, the idea of rescue not so much.
Take for instance the time Jesus says to Peter, "The enemy desires to have you so he can sift you like wheat...". What was the next thing Jesus said? He says, 'But I have prayed for you that your faith fails not." Bascially, Jesus claims, I am going to allow this to happen, but you can be sure that I am with you every step." That doesn't sound fair, and neither does the story of Job, or the fact that Jesus flat out tells us, "In this world you will have trouble..". But we can't ever forget to "take heart, for He has overcome the world".
As I begin to think a little further on the idea of refuge, the word "refugee" came to mind. A refugee is one who flees to a place or power to escape pain or persecution. Aren't all Christians indeed refugees in this world? Paul claims in Philippians 3 that "our citezenship is in Heaven". This is not our ultimate destination...so we find ourself in constant movement and in unsettled states. The closer we get to God, the more uncomfortable we will get. This world becomes more and more foregin to us. The worlds eratic behaviors become more and more repulsive. But instead of seeking "rescue" by the removal from it, we are to understand fully that God is our refuge in the middle of it. And that refuge is always there as the scripture claims, "God is our refuge and stength, and EVER PRESENT help in trouble."
I really do waste my time seeking rescue. If nothing else, praying for rescue represents a gross understanding of prayer itself...for prayer is our chief refuge in and of itself. Our glory that we experience as Christians must be founded in the idea of Godly refuge. The storms will roll, but there is an eternal place of shelter for those who belong to Him.

Im Nothing But Im Not

Recently watched The Chronicles of Narnia latest film. This line from the movie will have me thinking for days. By far the best moment for me:

”What have you done, child? You wished yourself away and with it much more....You doubt your value. Don't run from who you are." -Aslan (The Voyage of the Dawn TreaderSo in my continued thinking I wanted to write this note sort of expounding on the depths of this lesson.

First off, all allegory in these stories are amazing. I will always believe that C.S. Lewis was one of the greatest minds that ever lived. This particular morsel of spiritual lesson just stuck out to me more than the others did.

I was researching some yesterday what I could find in way of different takes on this segment. I ran across something that was a little disturbing. It was a series of "devotions" based on the movie. Each devotion was taken from different dialogues and monologues in the movie, scripture referenced, and then explained into practical application. This particular line I am referencing was among them. Of course, in my humble opinion, I dont see how you could leave it out.

The title of the devotion was what disturbed me a little, and I think for most part it is the grossest misinterpretation of what I believe the author's intent was. The title of the devotion was, "Be Yourself".
My heart began to sink as I can just see this being preached and shared across the youth groups of America. "Be Yourself" is I beleive the most shallow viewpoint one could take, simply because of what it means in the culutre. Tis true, Aslan's line ends with, "Don't run from who you are," but that's really not the thrust of what the character (which apparently is the God-Figure or Christ-Type) is trying to convey. I think the more powerful part of it is wrapped around, "You doubt your value".

Value is the premise of thought here, or at least the platform I wish to discuss. I am a man of relatively low self-esteem. When you couple that with the teaching of scripture, the enemy loves playing mind games on the scripture's though that we are indeed nothing. We are merely a vapor, we can do nothing apart from Him, I die daily, He who finds life must lose himself...these things echo a dangerous reinforcement to one who already struggles with lack of personal value. Take one who feels like nothing, submit him to constant teaching that he is nothing, and what good can possibly come from that. Thank God for proper understanding that holds the rescue.

I can't believe the answer is to just "be yourself". In this case, self is dissapointed. In the movie, the self of Lucy wants to be somebody else. Self is dissallusioned and is guilty of the devalue we speak of. Culturally speaking, being yourself is reduced to a form of rebellion or revolution against the traditions of authority. It's an attitude of imma-be-me, and takes no consideration of others (which I think we can all agree is completely unChrist-like). And no matter how hard you try, you cant convince me the lesson here is to where knee-high striped socks and strange eye makeup despite those who look down on you. If the lesson is to "be yourself", this is misleading and ultimately dangerous. Chiefly, because it's Christless.

So, about value. Denying ourself in the teachings of scripture has nothing to do at all with looking down on self in a depressive state. Losing yourself has nothing to do with running around with no identity, wondering why you even exist or why God even bothered to create you. We can never read scripture through the dangerous lens of low-self esteem. Rather, read it for what it says.

In losing self, we find true self that was designed to wrapped up in Christ. This is not a loss of identity but a discovery of it. Apart from Him we can do nothing, but this also is to read with Him we can do anything. After all, with God all things are possible. This gives us great purpose in our living. We are merely a vapor in time, but this increases our value by means of being very rare and all the more important. My life is limited editon, therefore of utmost value. I die daily, not in a sense of denying peronal imprtance, but in submitting myself to absolute importance. In proper perspective, who I am and what I do, aligned with He who created me can never be accidental or lack value. Yes, apart from Him I'm nothing, but in Him I'm everything. I'm nothing, but I'm not.

What have you done child?" The key word here is child. God says you are my child, what have you done in wishing yourself away. Who are you to doubt your value in the overall picture of life? It is by all means a loving reprimand. And perhaps to you is reading this as it was to me who viewed it. When you wish yourself away or to be somebody else, you wish everything good moment away with every bad. Every encouragement you have ever provided, every smile of yours that made somebody's day, even your very presence at times when you thought it meant nothing goes away with you. With you goes much more.

Don't ever doubt your value! But understand completely that your valuable because your a Child of God. He made no accident...you are no accident, and with you comes great purpose. Don't run from who you are is not to say, "Be Yourself"...rather it is to say, "Don't run from this reality and revelation." And that reality is that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Believe it, and live like it. You may be nothing, but you're so much more.

Thanks Jim

I have a friend named Jim. Since the very first day we crossed paths I knew we would be great friends. This note, in a roundabout way, expresses my appreciation for that friendship.

I am what most people may call cynical. I have had no reservations with conforming to that title. There are several things in life I am cynical about, especially in the church, because the church is my life. I used to be just skeptical. But that skepticism was an ever growing snowball gaining momentum into full blown cynicism.

It was recently, wide open on Facebook, that I was challenged by my friend Jim in this arena of thought. Truth is, cynicism is used a lot in comedy, and some people love me for mine, but, as Jim pointed out, it is really a sense of detachment. I had started to see it this way somewhat but was still bent on the fact that all of my cynical sayings and attitudes were perfectly harmless and fine. And it was by this sharp rebuke from my friend that I am starting to see it differently.

Jim wasn't harsh, dont get me wrong. He simply made the statement, "Make sure your cynicism is pointed toward the right things." Jim provided me the deifintion, which I already knew, but sounded much different coming from him. Cynicism is a distrust in the integrity or motives of others. Somewhere along the way in life I had lost my sense of naivety. I would think at times that maybe trust cant be accomplished so easy. But I had really gotten to the place where I did not give myself a chance to trust. And that led to a lot of assuming. And that assuming has probably kept me from many blessings. It has, no doubt, probably locked me out of opportunities for enrichment, whether that be through reading or verbal exchange with another. I looked up the definition of cynicism and found that Jim, if he looked up the same one, was kind enough to leave off the first part. And here it is for I need to say it to self: Cynicism is "an attitude of scornful or jaded negativity". Thanks Jim for leaving that be. But it all applies to my circumstance. And negative I never want to be.

I refuse to beat myself up about it. But I do plan on correcting it. I really want my life to be everything God intends. And I know enough that in order to be that, i need to remain open, despite even how the actions of others may try and dictate my outlook on them or others in their people group. I never want to miss a thing God has, i just don't. And thanks to Jim, I may not have to. Thanks Jim, for your words of compassion, and thanks for being my friend.

The Great Debate

I have been doing quite a bit of study lately into the whole Calvinism vs. Arminianism theology debate. And I believe it or not, this note is in no way a quest for your thoughts on the subject. Not that you cant add them if you wish.
This is an endless debate whether you know it by name or not. Let me say the unpardonable phrase which I am certain you have heard in the church: "Once saved always saved". Now are you with me on how much of an issue this has caused?

Funny enough that's only one point of one side. There are acutally five points that are argued chiefly, each side holding a valid opinion with scripture they say backs their opinion to the fullest. Let me stop here and say that most people i meet cold care less about theology and dont think its necessary to grow in it. I think that's frightening even though they seem to be quite content in what knowledge their tradition alone has provided. And while I can't agree in any form with the choice of stagnancy, this note is not about slamming them either.

I personally love to bridge gaps. I find it thrilling as a pastor to preach in a way that brings people to God, people to people, and people to universal agreement. Call me a peacemaker if you will. I just love taking two sides of something and trying to reach an understanding that creates harmony and fruitfulness. I think we can agree to disagree and that what we debate over we do not have to divide over. This is the way i see it.

So in such foolish attempt to do such, I am writing to bring the staunch calvinist and die-hard arminiast together in faith. How arrogant I am.

It would be unfair if i did not say that both sides could possibly be wrong and there is a such thing as wrong theology. Think about it, if two people take opposing sides, one has to be wrong. We can't all be right. That's realtivism. And truth is by nature exclusive. So although I am attempting to take a unity measure here, i challenge you to take a dive into some form of theoloigical study. What you believe about God is the basis of your behavior toward Him. So I can't write this without challenging you to try and become a scholar of God's Word. Look at it this way, it can't hurt you.

How can I diminish this staunch dividing line of hardcore belief? I want to offer you one question as it pertains to your complete salvation: What does your heart say about Christ? I am not talking randomly but constantly. I think it fair to say there is a strong contingency that look around at the church, or even their own lives and say to themselves, "I dont know what I am looking for, but this cant possibly be it." And now let me re-emphasize with some other explanatory questions. How strong is the "call"? How stubborn is His grace in comparison to how many times you step out of line? Do you ever feel as if His power will not release you no matter how much you may even feel at times that you want out? If your life in Him has reached some sort of ho-hum could care less at times attitude, you then may have to face the fact that salvation is not yet yours (and this no matter what theology you claim). This "call" of God n Christ Jesus is so extremely potent and powerful that it refuses to let up, no matter the depth of man's depravity and utter sinfulness. It is unexplainable in the internal soul. If there is a physical attrubute, I would say it would be tears and the inability to speak. This great slavation is not a cruise control of morality and good works tempered with half-baked commitment to the cause. It's more of a "I cannot help but follow". It is the, "where else in the world can I go" revelation of the apostle Peter.

This has to be the life that both realms of theology seek. A life and call greater than that they can possibly make for themselves. The point is this, whether God chooses or we choose, no matter what we beleive on the origin of sin and capability of man, or whether not a man could "lose" his salvation could just possibly pale in comparison to how strongly Christ is holding us in our life by His grace; then that love so powerful it relentlessly calls us forward. Salvation, my friend, is that strong hand that pulls our face back towards holy affection when it even glances at another. It nit-picks even the smallest of error and begs us back into formation with His righteousness. Our flesh hates it, but our soul delights in it. It is just...that....powerful.

And this stronghold of Christ on the life of man must be what we all seek.

The Great Gain

1 Timothy 6:6 - Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment.

Amy is the most content person I know. Me, not so much.

In my recent musings I have come to the conclusion that there is a lot to say about contentment and wonder why the subject doesn't grace our pulpits more. Now, CHANGE, that's a subject matter we can't seem to get over. And we talk about it so much that we have all forgotten how to be thankful for what is right in front of us, and this memory lapse in hopes of a better tomorrow with touch of disgust for the moment. If we are not careful the whole idea of wanting something else can become equally awful.
It's impossible to jump over the idea of Godliness. This should be the believer's first love and pursuit. However, Godliness in the human is hard to define, and it's a thin line between true Holy Spirit driven life and self-righteous religion. So in one's pursuit of godly living, contentment is key. Why? Because the contentment grants the believer a holy satisfaction at what God chooses to give and take away in the process itself.
There is not a single person that is in true pursuit of God that doesn't wrestle with dissatisfaction and holy discontent. I call it holy becasue the believer should want to progress in his or her walk. This is a good feeling of discontent, nonetheless, the scripture says that godliness with contentment is great gain, not godliness with discontent. It is important for us to realize that our yearnings for "something more" can easily cross over into unholy discontent, which leads to jealousy, bitterness, strife, and all sorts of ungodly comparsions with other believers. And, God forbid, it leads to us trying to manipulate God so that our ideals can be realized. Of course, none of us have ever seen that in the church, right?
So, are you truly content in your pursuit of godliness? Is this fearsome duo of character so alive in you that you can refer to it as great gain? This Thanksigivign I invite you to join me in taking a deep breath, enjoying every moment in an overflow of thanks to God for everything he has given. Give thanks for everything that is progressing in you. Sure, we all have a "long way to go". But my friends, we will all get there...if we learn to pursue in contentment and find this truly GREAT GAIN!

Only God can help you now

I have some friends. I call them that because I embrace them as such. I started trying to help them not so long ago through a random encounter. From a church standpoint, there are always people who need some intervention. Mostly its provided with small monitary gift and send them on their way. After all, that's the only ting we can do for most. But then there are some that you feel perhaps God wants you to take an extra step toward. So you do, And these two are considered friends.

Both of my new friends have tainted pasts. It's hard to even dream of being in their position. The system doesn't seem fair and I even prayed once that God would just "give them a leg up". I was sucked into their story, and the more it unfolded I discovered just layer upon layer of unimagineable circumstances. I can only speculate that amount of hurt, rejection, heartbreak, and dissapointment that defines their life. And then it's even harder to help. We, like anyone else have limited resources. The church has limited resources. And when you try and help someone, you want to maximize what you have..you know, to really help them. We did everything we could think of to do. We drove them around to find jobs, wrtiing letters to the courts to prove their efforts to clean up, and of course some money for lodging. There was even a couple that gave them some groceries. They were embraced inside our fellowship for a short time. You always hope its enough and that you have done what you can do. God gives you confirmation that you have. In this particular situation, I even saw God perform a miracle. And they were doing quite well.

Then as it often works out, when "help" begins to fade and you begin to sit back and see how well people can stand. This is the part where you feel there was an endless resource, or that you could just quit your job and make this circumstance a full-time project. And over this time, we saw these people fade. They started showing up less and even calling less. They popped up about a month after the help faded and we helped them again. We assured them of our love and concern. I even tried to make contact with them in the dead space but to no avail.

But today, they popped up again. In the midst of trying to get their life straight they had both relapsed twice in one specific arena of struggle. Or at least that is all they have admitted...and that only on confrontation. The call today was disturbing and I knew at once it was another relapse. They were stranded, possibly on site or close to the area their habit returns them to. I was faced with the opportunity to "help" one more time. I didn't, well, not in the way requested.

I could go into all the reasons why but I won't. The fact that I didn't help brings all sorts of questions because just logistically I could have. But this time, as sure as I felt God tell me go further the first time, i felt Him say no this one. That seemed so harsh and so out of character. This almost comes across as rejection. I receieved some other calls close together and I decided that I would speak the only truth I could. I did. And I was cut off.

Only God can help them now, but in reality, He was the only one that could ever really help in the first place. Sometimes it's easy for us to try and be the hero. And i find that there is such a thin line in good Christian action and playing the Holy Spriit. I said earlier that the church has a lack of resources. And we do in from a carnal standpoint. But spiritually speaking we have the only endless supply in all of Heaven and earth. Our prayers can do more than "pick up the slack". I hope they find what they need most. I pray that they see what they need most. In all of their future requests for help, no matter to whom they are directed, I pray that the greater need chines through.

Blaming God

I have a sick child. He has been dignosed with RSV (that's basically bronchitis). He wont be sick long, but for the time being it's not easy to see him struggle to breathe, in and out of coughing attacks, and moving about with partially energetic stride. And I blame God. Well, candidly, at least that's how I felt last night.
There was this feeling overcome me that shames me to say being a Christian and especially a Pastoral figure. I wanted to take my son's place and wondered why we must suffer what his body is barely able to take. I took momentarliy in my solitary prayer a "gloves are off" approach to God. I did not care for God in that time and questions began to flood my mind. God did a work in my son last night by the result of prayer. And now, all I have to do is evaluate my behavior. And this is the conclusion...I still blame God.

I often muse on the idea of God being the easy scape goat and why He is quickest to get blame. There are a quite a few people around me in this world who seem to have a more excellent apporach to suffering. The que sara sara way of looking at things I am jealous of, having never been able to possess that attitude myself. I am wired quite differently. More so, I wonder why people who do not claim to know God seem to be better at handling suffering. But then I think, it's hard to blame someone you don't know very well. It is the one who pursues God most who usually ends up blaming Him most. After all, the ones closest to you are automoatically in line of vision, and are easy targets of pointed fingers.

So why do I blame God? There are certainly things about my life, and just life in general that serve as better objects of scrutiny. As man, there lies with me no right to question the Almighty. He is good. That is it. Why can't I accept that?
I probably starts with a giant misunderstanding of God's nature, or perhaps a misunderstanding of goodness. What are the qualifications for something, or even someone to be good? Who made this test that gives us the false answer that everything good must be pleasant and comforting to mankind? If you care enough to think about it, there are many good things that aren't pleasant. Take sickness, or at least it's uncomfortable symptoms. Is that not really my son's body learning to fight off infection, which is something that will make him stronger in the end? Take a life sentence in prison. Is this not really justness and fairness by a good judge who wishes for a life of crime to be halted? I encourage you to look at the all moments of pain and suffering in your life. What is the sum of all moments of grief? If we are honest I think we would all have to say learning. And now what has that learning made you? Well, something beautiful if you allowed it to. The only way sufferings, major or minor on whatever form of measuring tape you utilize, bring negative results is if you clam up and refuse to evaluate it from a big picture standpoint.

My son's sickness is minor compared to some thigns even great friends of mine are having to live today. I think about the much more difficult roads others are traveling in my prayers. But my prayers for all are the same. Please help them find you in this mess, God. And build their faith in this trial that would otherwise shake their faith. May every moment of suffering be a learning experience that equips us for the tomorrows and moments to come.

Life contains plenty of theses expereinces. And every one of them puts you through a trial by fre it seems. Gold always has to be refined through fire, and it seems we do to. There is not a single one of us that doesn't wish it to be different. But we don't seem to learn by blessing. So for every trial, every tinge of sickness and pain, and every moment that I feel alone...I blame God. For His hand of goodness continues to produce greatness at every turn.

Clutter (A Modern Day Psalm)

I am so disheartened by the clutter in following Christ. Whenever I read that his "yoke is easy and burden is light", I just don't know if I believe it. And how does such "easy and light" fit in the grand scheme of the persecution and worldy hatred toward Him and all his followers anyway? I seem to toggle back and forth between love and hate of this life that I've chosen, or perhaps that was chosen for me (depending on that never-ending theological debate).
If I am able to speak when I stand before God, I would say that I only have one real question. Why did you choose the mess that is humanity to spread your message of love? It is no doubt that his other creation alone would screw it up a whole lot less. It is much more serene, majestic, and tranquil than we are. The tree surely stands more sure of itself than we in our ever-shaky confidence. Your sky is more glorious, more awe-inspiring than any human oratory. I myself am above the poorest example of this message of hope. Hypocrisy reigns over every step I take and my ability to communicate truth to crowds only reinforces my insanity. As much I as I would love to lay blame on God for this mess, it is only that we have made it that forces us to lie in it. Oh how much louder we would preach your love if only you would cut out our tongues.
This pure and simple devotion to Christ is so cliuttered by denominational disunty and planned events instead of presence of God. But we continue to put our trust in these processes. All seems to be bondage yet I call people to it simultaneously, because although cluttered so, it remains the best option. How are we supposed to find you in this mess, God, especially when everything about us robs us of the right to even speak your Holy name? But I still seek to find you, find you so well that I have to tremble in fear and am completely unable to speak. Perhaps then, for the first time, I can somehow be so blinded by your light, that I don't have the ability to see myself stumble, and that I will not be so overwhlemed with the clutter.

Random Flows of Bitterness

James 3:11- "Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water?"

Of course, read in context, the answer to this rhetorical question is "NO". And yet to this day I cannot seem to grasp the undeniable fact that I, as a spring of life, often do just that. One day, or maybe even counted in moments, is sweetness, and the next, bitterness. Speaking in terms of spiritual health, most would agree that of all the fresh water that may pour out of us, we all have random flows of bitterness as well. While we long to be endless bottles of Evian or Fiji, we resemble more a city resirvoir, which means it really just depends on the day what will come out of the faucet.

But it is no doubt that James is making the point that this really "just SHOULDN"T be". It's never a proud moment for those who belong to the family of God for this to take place. He cannot be saying it's not possible, after all, the whole text is based on the idea that it's happening. The text, like so many other texts, in scripture is calling the behavior into check. And that's what we have to do.

There are things about us...evil things to call them for what they are. In the words of Petra, "sometimes we feel like Jekyll and Hyde". There is an eternal struggle between flesh and spirit, both elements fighting to take control of our actions, thoughts, and conversation. We can be "doing well", pouring out fresh water words of encouragement, thinking on that which is good wen before we can even sometimes catch ourselves, pouring out bitter hate and living momentarily, sometimes even days with our minds in the gutter. Now. for a typical person this is life. But for us "peculiar people"...and I quote James, "my brothers, this should not be so". We should always not only be ware of such randomness, not even just keep it in check, but seek to destroy it. And as it is with water, it depends on the source.

What sources are you tapping into. I don't ever understand why I have to make it so difficult sometimes, but it's only ever about the source. I tap into Him, things go well and fresh water pours...I tap into other things, out comes the bitter. It may be as simple as garbage in garbage out after all. And as for the amount of the "freshness" or "bitterness", I guess then that depends on the frequency of the tap.

Let's altogether take more time to tap into the source. There are tons of dirty rivers. They're everywhere you look, available 24/7. But "There is a river, whose streams make glad the city of our God". Few may find it, but I remind you, it can be found.