I remember the pettiness of my High School years. At Mounds, we had was called "party road", a dirt road running behind the school that people would go to "settle their differences". You know what I mean. It was the dreaded meeting point of two people after the words "see you after school" were spoken, meaning someone was going to take a beating.

Fights in school were always over stupid stuff that didn't matter. Someone called you or your girlfriend something, or some misunderstanding caused an already hot-head to boil over. This is was always followed by these scuffles, in some desperate attempt to prove how tough we were. RIDICULOUS!! And that's also how I feel about church squabbles...

Its completely unrealistic to think that we can live "fight" free. Even Jesus said, "it is impossible that offenses wont come". Being offended to the point of wanting to protect ouerselves is a natural part of human existence. So we fight. The book of James talks of this asking the question, "Where do fights and quarrels come from?" It then answers by saying, "It because we are at war within our own members." We are basically unsettled people, selfish people who have a hard time being at peace with self and God. This magnifies when we get with others, so therefore, we fight.

But as all things natural, there is a supernatural remedy. The ultimate way is to crucify your flesh. But for sake of practicality, there is some awareness that I wish to bring about conflict resolution that I feel is helpful to know. Maybe until we reach that perfect ideal of a total renewed self and peace is achieved, these are some tips to perhaps cut down on the number of fights we have, or at least make sure they don't spin horribly out of control.

1) When attempting to solve conflict, understand that everyone naturally has a defense for their position.

Conflict resolution only happens when people lose their pride and come to see the truth of a situation. That truth is usually that whatever the fight is over is no big deal or often a misunderstanding. But because we are unsettled and selfish people we take things to heart. And when we take it personally, we attempt to justify the reasons why we did, hence the defense. If we do not understand that all parties invovled are prepared to defend moreso than solve, we will never reach a resolution. The fight will only grow based on the fact that everyone thinks they are right, and our personal flags of "we are right" will be staked in the ground.

2) Offensive statements made in conflict are usually a reaction based on the defense, and rarely sincere appraisals of the situation or the people involved.

Any statements made behind your back in a conflict or before that dreaded roundtable of resolution should not be taken to heart. The passion surrounding the conflct itself and the defensive nature of humanity cause us to say stupid things about one another. Simply stepping back from any situation when its fresh usually will help the end result. Keep quiet as much as possible until thoughts are collected, and by all means, bridle your tongue. But if this does not happen, don't put much stock in what is said toawrd you or about you. I bet you they dont' really mean it the way its comes out.

3) Know that everybody wants somebody elses head on a platter.

The intersting thing about conflict, and perhaps this is the defensive nature, is that initially no one thinks they are at fault. We are often so blinded by anger or hurt that we can't see our own role that's complicating the situation. Let's face it, it's easier to play the blame game. And its never easy to self-assess. The neat thing is that in true conflict resolution, nobody's head has to fly. All parties can come away whole. And I dont think its a stretch to say this is probably how God wants it.

Fight were largely stupid then and they are largely now. Im sure there are a few things worth fighting for, but save your energy for when they arrive. Because they will. If knowledge is power, then understanding is steroids. Understanding the nature of conflict, more imoprtantly the nature of the people invovled, will go a long way in finding resolve. Peace be with you!