Blaming God

I have a sick child. He has been dignosed with RSV (that's basically bronchitis). He wont be sick long, but for the time being it's not easy to see him struggle to breathe, in and out of coughing attacks, and moving about with partially energetic stride. And I blame God. Well, candidly, at least that's how I felt last night.
There was this feeling overcome me that shames me to say being a Christian and especially a Pastoral figure. I wanted to take my son's place and wondered why we must suffer what his body is barely able to take. I took momentarliy in my solitary prayer a "gloves are off" approach to God. I did not care for God in that time and questions began to flood my mind. God did a work in my son last night by the result of prayer. And now, all I have to do is evaluate my behavior. And this is the conclusion...I still blame God.

I often muse on the idea of God being the easy scape goat and why He is quickest to get blame. There are a quite a few people around me in this world who seem to have a more excellent apporach to suffering. The que sara sara way of looking at things I am jealous of, having never been able to possess that attitude myself. I am wired quite differently. More so, I wonder why people who do not claim to know God seem to be better at handling suffering. But then I think, it's hard to blame someone you don't know very well. It is the one who pursues God most who usually ends up blaming Him most. After all, the ones closest to you are automoatically in line of vision, and are easy targets of pointed fingers.

So why do I blame God? There are certainly things about my life, and just life in general that serve as better objects of scrutiny. As man, there lies with me no right to question the Almighty. He is good. That is it. Why can't I accept that?
I probably starts with a giant misunderstanding of God's nature, or perhaps a misunderstanding of goodness. What are the qualifications for something, or even someone to be good? Who made this test that gives us the false answer that everything good must be pleasant and comforting to mankind? If you care enough to think about it, there are many good things that aren't pleasant. Take sickness, or at least it's uncomfortable symptoms. Is that not really my son's body learning to fight off infection, which is something that will make him stronger in the end? Take a life sentence in prison. Is this not really justness and fairness by a good judge who wishes for a life of crime to be halted? I encourage you to look at the all moments of pain and suffering in your life. What is the sum of all moments of grief? If we are honest I think we would all have to say learning. And now what has that learning made you? Well, something beautiful if you allowed it to. The only way sufferings, major or minor on whatever form of measuring tape you utilize, bring negative results is if you clam up and refuse to evaluate it from a big picture standpoint.

My son's sickness is minor compared to some thigns even great friends of mine are having to live today. I think about the much more difficult roads others are traveling in my prayers. But my prayers for all are the same. Please help them find you in this mess, God. And build their faith in this trial that would otherwise shake their faith. May every moment of suffering be a learning experience that equips us for the tomorrows and moments to come.

Life contains plenty of theses expereinces. And every one of them puts you through a trial by fre it seems. Gold always has to be refined through fire, and it seems we do to. There is not a single one of us that doesn't wish it to be different. But we don't seem to learn by blessing. So for every trial, every tinge of sickness and pain, and every moment that I feel alone...I blame God. For His hand of goodness continues to produce greatness at every turn.