Ugly

I just watched, as much as I could , the recent Jennifer Knapp interview on Larry King Live. If you haven't heard, Jennifer has "come out" as a homosexual in the faith. It was an intriguing interview, and I would invite all thinkers to watch it. There was a lot said in the interview. Of course, you could only imagine the typical CNN spin and approach. If not, imagine FOX news in reverse. Not that I am a fan of either. Surprisingly enough, I think all people (other than Larry himself) had great points. Perhaps some will frown on me for stating that but I just did. and I meant it. But there was something that happened in me as I listened, and I wanted to share it in an open forum. There was some scripture in Romans 1-2 that was brought into the discussion. Now I have read this numerous times in the past, these two chapters. As a matter of fact I have poured over them in study as I was confused with them in initial confrontation. So i read them again. And I discovered something grueling: My God, they are talking about me. Truth be known, especially as a Pastor, I have mastered the art of reading the scriptures for others. After all, most of it just isn't me. In my "new life" in Christ, something went wrong in my interpretation that the Bible was now about others. Since I was now perfected by grace, I started to learn how to point that "grace" at others. I was no longer that vile person it talked of, and it was now my mission to point my finger, using the long arm and powerful fist of the sacred scriptures, to crush others into belief of the divine; the same divine bliss I was now living in. Up unti this point, it hasn't worked by the way. I began reading Romans 1 today and realized that I was depraved, guilty of suppressing truth in unrighteousness, that I was filled with covetesnouss and mailce,gossip, slander, and deceit. That perhaps when Paul was revealing that mankind was haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, foolish, heartless, and ruthless...he may very well have been talking about me. I write in tears. I had the privelige of being blessed recently by a video played at our church. It was about a man who served a prison term. In prison, he found himself saying to God, "God, I am not like these people. I am not like these murderers and rapists and such." He then said in the video interview that God responded, "Yes, you are." I was so moved by this message. And I am moved today with the scriptures. i am like the sinner. I do not qualify. Never did. Still don't. Truth: I'm ugly. When it comes to the interview on Larry King, I can't say that I don't believe Jennifer needs to take a closer look at God's ideal. I believe she has embraced something that can be conquered. But then, reading into Romans 2, I am sharply rebuked for trying to stand so adamately against her failures without the willingness to realize my own. That I would be wrong to elevate her failures, only to put mine in a dimmer light. We all are instructed to live by faith. Let us encourage one another in that faith and never point the finger. Especially as pastors and teachers, for we will recieve the stricter judgment. When it comes to reading the scriptures. I leave from this excerpt from "Life Together" by Dietrich Bonhoeffer: "Consecutive reading of [scriptures] forces everyone who wants to hear to put himself...where God has acted once and for all for the salvation of men. We too, pass through the Red Sea, the desert across the Jordan and to the Promised Land. With Israel we fall into doubt and unbelief and through punishment and repentance experience again God's help and faithfulness. All this is not reverie, but holy reality. We are torn out of our own existence and set in the middle of holy history of God on earth. There Goddealt with us, and he still deals with us, our needs and sins, in judgment and grace. We are reverent participatants and listeners in God's action in the sacred history. And only in so far as we are there, is God with us today."