Doubt

Yeah, I watched that movie this weekend. Of course I kept hoping for some dramatic ending which never happened...so is the way with oscar nominated movies. I guess I am just not "artsy" enough to appreciate movies that are supposed to make you think. I generally go to movies because I don't want to think. That is why it is a form of "a"musement (the absence of musing).
What is the country's obsession right now with "doubt". In the movie, Hoffman's character exclaimed, that "doubt can be as strong of a bond as certainty". I want to believe that because it is glamorous. It sounds as if we can become as one if we just stand together on what we do not know. Now, I do understand that those with the same doubts can form bonds through searching and even have intelligent conversation, but can doubt really bond humans together the same way certainty can? Hardly. Because what lies at the end of doubt? Nothing. There is no leg to stand on. Questions will never bond people as strong as answers. There has never been a religion, or cult for that matter, founded on doubt. No one has ever died for there doubts. And no people group has ever influenced anything or anyone for the better with doubt at their core.
Doubt, I say. Doubt strongly! But let that doubt play a proper role in your life and in the life of your group. That role is to lead you to certanity, strong certainty that carries with it the confidence to experience life, and bring it to others.

When it comes to trying to live life as a true disciple of Christ, I find myself in a tug-of-war between making it too hard and over-simplication. Where is the balance between "the narrow road that few find" and "the easy yoke and light burden"? Where does one find solace in the battle of being unique while being begged to fit into one common mold? In the seemingly pitch-black land of confusing and contradictory Christian teachings, just where does one locate the "peace that passeth all understanding"?
I often find myself at a crossroads of what I believe the summation is of all my experiences and learning. Why here and now? What here and now? And, just where to go in the future? Godliness with contentment is the presentation of the great apostle, but why do those things seem to clash. As I draw ever closer to God, I find myself feeling farther away. The more I know, the more I discover that I just don't know, and wonder if I ever will.
But yet I find that can still learn what I do with fervency and communicate it with passion. It is almost as if the confusion drives me, and that I have learned to pursue God's way all the more in the face of feeling unable to find it.
This is my life at the moment. This is my pursuit. To know Him as He desires. To continue to discover Him for myself, in hopes that I can communicate it to others.